how do i know that im doing the right thing?

In just a few short weeks, I will be starting my first semester of college. I have never been more excited to explore and live life on my own in a new place. But, I still have my doubts sometimes.

I have doubts about my major and my future career choice. How do I know that the major I chose is the right one for me? Am I following the right path? Will I be happy with a career in this field?

Deciding your future can be so so terrifying. I know it was for me. I am a person with many different interests. I want to explore every single major that my school offers, so how was I supposed to narrow it down to just one? I love to write and read, so maybe English? But I am also so interested in the human mind. Maybe I’ll go with psychology. Buuuutt, I also think I would enjoy political science. I have never just been passionate about one thing- I have always been fascinated by the entire world. It’s hard to have to eliminate many of my interests just so that I can focus on one, maybe two if I double major.

Luckily, the one thing that I haven’t had any doubts about is my school- I am so excited to be attending such a beautiful campus surrounded by some really amazing people. I fell in love with the campus the first time I set foot there, and I knew it was the place for me. Plus, it is so close to the beach, which is my favorite place in the world. It’s such a relief knowing that I look forward to going to school next year, which means that I have made at least one right decision when it comes to deciding my future.

I realized I shouldn’t doubt myself so much. I know who I am and I know what I like. As long as I’m always working hard towards my goals, I know I will be okay. Besides, if I really don’t enjoy the classes I’m taking, I can always switch my major.

The future is a scary place. Venturing into the unknown always is. But follow your heart and it will lead you on the right path.

Good luck with your future.

Xo, Jess

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journal entries about writing

the thing about writing is that sometimes you feel as though you have nothing to write. you think your words are not worthy enough to be put on paper. but writing is for you. it does not need to meet anyone’s standards. all that you need is a pen and a thought. we all have plenty of those. the rest will follow naturally.

when i write, i can feel all the energy inside me flowing. i feel powerful, indestructible.  words are a vital part of my existence. i would be incredibly lost without them. there’s something inside me that draws me to this art form constantly. this need i have for writing is inescapable.

put the pen to the edge of the paper, my dear, and let the words flow out of you. they don’t need to be perfect, but they still deserve to be said.

 

xo, jessica

change | journal excerpts

Change has always been a good thing to me. I have embraced it with open arms every time. I can not even imagine a life where I am stuck with the same routine day after day. I do not want to sit behind a desk and watch my life pass me by. I want a career where I can explore different paths daily and have new adventures. I’m not sure where life will take me just yet, but I hope that it will bring me to change. Because change is the only constant that I want in my life.

//

I keep telling myself that my life won’t really start until I’m older. When I have a real job, and I’m living on my own. But life is short. And I don’t know how long I’ve got. So what am I waiting for? 17 years of precious time have gone by. It is time to go out and make something of myself. Live a little more. While I still can.

//

Her eyes lit up when she talked about it. She was so passionate about the art she created, and she couldn’t get her mind off of it. The happiness she felt when a paintbrush was in her hand was enough to make anyone smile.

– jess

notes from my journal

i stared up at the white, wispy clouds. the sky was a beautiful shade of ocean blue. you sat beside me and took in all my features. all my imperfections. i turned to look back at your emerald eyes and smiled. we were surrounded by the world, yet you still told me i was the most beautiful sight. i never felt as full and happy as i did in that moment. you handed my all your thoughts wrapped in a neat bow while i let out my deepest secrets in an explosion. we were total opposites. but when you said those 3 words, i knew that opposites really do attract.

i fall in love with the idea i create of people, rather than who they truly are. i have too much faith in people and in love. i am definitely a romantic. i try so hard to make relationships work, expecting people to change. i get my hopes up and end up disappointed every. single. time. it also makes it so much harder to get over someone. i only want to believe they are good-hearted, rather than face reality. but i would always choose to be full of hope than completely hopeless. because maybe true love really does exist.

you don’t have to have it all figured out. in fact, you shouldn’t. life is messy. life is unpredictable. things don’t ever go according to plan. just embrace every moment with a positive mind and see where the world takes you. the universe always has a plan.

you finally told me everything i always wanted to hear, but i realized it didn’t matter. i’m not the same person as a year ago. i know who i am and what i want. it just isn’t you anymore. and i’m sorry to myself that it took so long to realize my worth. but i’m okay now. i finally got the closure i needed so desperately and i can move on with my life. it truly is freeing to feel this way. i can finally be happy and be myself again.

ending

the law of attraction

A couple of weeks ago, I watched a Youtube video about the Law of Attraction.  I was super intrigued by it almost immediately. Since then, I’ve been doing a lot of research on the topic, and I thought I would give a bit of an explanation on it here in case you haven’t heard of it!

The law of attraction is a belief that the universe does things for you based on your thoughts. It says that everyone has the ability to “attract” the things they want into their lives. This can range from relationships, finance, and your career.

At first, I was super skeptical of this idea, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. It basically goes along with the idea that a positive mindset will bring positive things into your life. Obviously, this is just a theory, and there is no definite proof that it will work for you. However, there are tons of success stories online of people who decided to try it out for themselves.

The same goes for negative energy, though. If your thoughts are very negative, the experiences you have will show that.

Basically, your mindset is super important when it comes to your own well being. I haven’t tried out this idea for myself just yet, but I really want to see if it is beneficial. You will not achieve any of your goals if you don’t think about them and ways to accomplish them. The more you think about something, the more likely you are to do something to get there. If you visualize what you want, it will come.

Have you heard about this theory? If so, have you tried it out?

ending

Life Update

I’m sitting in bed at 7:52pm, without a single worry right now. It is June 19th, meaning my last day of junior year. These past 10 months were my most stressful and lonely year of my school life. This summer will be a much needed break for my mental health.

So this is where I’m at right now.

I had grades lower than I ever thought I could, and I had a couple of breakdowns. It felt like I was slowly sinking lower and lower into a never ending pit. I was sad a lot of the time. I didn’t want to go out with my friends, so I just sat at home. I didn’t feel like doing anything.

I am finally getting over that. It is a slow process, but I am happier again. Currently, there is a beautiful rainbow outside my window, and I am listening to my favorite songs. This is what a perfect night looks like to me.

I have been drinking more water (75 ounces a day!) and my skin has cleared up a lot. I am also feeling better about my body and building towards my goal by working out daily.

I haven’t been reading as much as I want to be for the past two months. I guess I am in a bit of a slump. But I’ve been doing so much writing. My writing style has changed, and so has my perspective. I have improved drastically compared to my writing from just a couple of months ago.

I have also learned to be more patient, more humble, and more loving. I try to keep my mouth shut rather than arguing in some situations. Some people are just not worth the energy.

I guess that while this school year was tough, I know that I survived, and I only have another 180 days to go. I can do this.

ending

a new beginning…

It’s been two weeks since my last blog post, but it was definitely a much needed break. Here’s why-

It’s time for a fresh start. I’ve been posting every 3 days on this blog for the past few months, until I realized my content is boring and not my style. I want to write. My posts have been nothing but generic topics on things that I am not even interested in.

Almost a year back, I wrote a post similar to this one. Basically, I just want to write posts based on topics that I find interesting.

 I went through all of my old posts and made a lot of them private (I could not bear to get rid of them completely) in order to regain some control. The focus of my blog is and always will be my thoughts. This will be in the form of poetry, discussions, mood boards, etc. I will continue to post my book reviews, music recommendations, but there will be no more fashion and beauty. That category will be eliminated. I grew, I changed. It is not something I focus as much time on anymore, and not something I want to write about. This does not mean that I no longer love it, I’ve just changed my writing style. 

I changed my blog theme in order to have this new beginning, and I edited the categories to more relevant ones.

I will be featuring more pieces that I love from artists I find intriguing, and I will be writing more in-depth posts. I will also only be posting once a week, maybe more if I am in the mood. There will be no schedule, however; I don’t want the posts I write to feel forced.

I hope this change is a positive one, and that you will stick around. 

Lots of love,
Jess

Growing Apart SUCKS!

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Over the course of my life, I have had 3 people I used to call best friends, but who are no longer in my life. Luckily, I have made new friends to take place of the old, who keep me sane during my toughest times. But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss the old friends.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and the people who I grew apart from were supposed to leave my life. It is hard, though.

The first friend is one who I had since we were both toddlers, until around 7th grade. Then, things started to change. She began to hang out with people who I didn’t want to be friends with. At first, I thought it was just her branching out, because I always thought we would be best friends. I told her everything, and we had the best memories.

However, I began to see her less and less frequently, and eventually, we just stopped talking. I see her every now and then, and it hurts that I can’t tell her everything the way I used to. It was one of my closest relationships to anyone, someone who I spent so much of my life with.

Another was someone I met when I moved to a new town. She was my first friend here, and happened to live very close to me. We had movie nights every Friday, and we hung out pretty much every day in between.

But just like before, time caused change. Time is a hard to understand concept. It can heal, it can break, and it can change things. Things were easier when we were younger and had time to hang out. But with more schoolwork came less free time.

Finally, the last friendship was one that didn’t last very long. We met in sixth grade, the start of middle school. We became close in a matter of days, and we hung out all the time. Especially with the amount of classes we had together, there was no way we could go hours without talking.

But, like the rest of these stories, this one does not have a happy ending either. When eighth grade came, we both realized we were going to different high schools. This meant we would no longer see each other. I was still interested in keeping in touch, but her, not so much. She began to sit with other people at lunch, and talk to me less and less the last week of school. So I moved on.

In all three cases, I was hurt. I was sad about losing some important people in my life. But as I said earlier, I believe everything happens for a reason. And it’s true. High school was a huge step for me, because I was going to be meeting all new people. After a few weeks, my group of friends was set, and we’ve been together through everything since then. As a junior now, I look back at my past friendships and see that they each taught me something. Without those experiences I wouldn’t be the person I am today, and I definitely wouldn’t have the friends I do now.

Everyone you encounter in your life serves a purpose, and it will better you in the future. If people are meant to stay, they will, otherwise it is good to put things behind you.

ending

The Good And The Bad

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Sometimes we laugh. Sometimes we cry. We are human. I cry over small things like a puppy getting hurt in a movie, or dropping my Naked 3 palette. But other times, I cry over fights with friends, or on the days where I feel completely worthless.

And that’s okay. You need to remember that the bad days don’t define you. You will have better days, and you will have days where there doesn’t seem to be an end. Remember that you are allowed to be upset, you just have to know when to be happy again. It’s not always easy, but if you really want to, you can find happiness, even in the small things.

The past year of my life, I have allowed myself to be hurt and feel pain with 100% of my heart, but only for a little while. Because of that, I learned to appreciate the amazing moments in my life so much more. I have learned to be okay in situations that used to make me really upset. I read a tweet that said, “If it won’t matter in 6 months, it’s not worth getting mad about now.” That really spoke to me, and I use it as a life motto now.

One of the worst things in life is having someone make you feel bad about being upset. They make you feel like your feelings are wrong. Please don’t ever feel like your emotions are not real because someone may have things worse.

Don’t get upset about the little things. Learn to let go, but don’t ever apologize for what you are feeling. You do not need to validate your feelings to anyone but yourself.

ending

Exploring the World

I haven’t seen much of the world. In all honesty, I haven’t even seen much of the US and I’ve lived here all my life (16 years and counting). But I love to travel, even if I don’t do it often.

All over Twitter and Instagram you see posts about traveling the world. That is something I can guarantee I want to do. If seeing amazing pictures of beautiful countries doesn’t make you happy, I don’t know what will.

There is something so wonderful about going to new places and experiencing new things. To me, travel is the key to living a successful life. Your life will be defined by the way you lived, and the memories you have. If you look back on your life and just see one country, one state, one town, have you really lived? In my opinion, no.

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For as a wise man or woman once said, “We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us.”

Out of the country, I’ve only been to one place: Poland. I have a ton of family there, so I visit often. But there are so many places I have yet to see. My goals for the end of high school are to have visited 25/50 states. I have been to 11 so far (so little, I know). Luckily, I will (hopefully) have my license soon, and that means many road trips!

I highly encourage you to travel as often as you can. I don’t always take the opportunities to travel, and I really regret that. If you can go anywhere, do it. You will learn so much and have so many stories to tell. It makes you see a whole new perspective, and give you a change in attitude.

So do not let life escape you, and use the world to its fullest potential. We were put on it for a reason.

xx Jess