change | journal excerpts

Change has always been a good thing to me. I have embraced it with open arms every time. I can not even imagine a life where I am stuck with the same routine day after day. I do not want to sit behind a desk and watch my life pass me by. I want a career where I can explore different paths daily and have new adventures. I’m not sure where life will take me just yet, but I hope that it will bring me to change. Because change is the only constant that I want in my life.

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I keep telling myself that my life won’t really start until I’m older. When I have a real job, and I’m living on my own. But life is short. And I don’t know how long I’ve got. So what am I waiting for? 17 years of precious time have gone by. It is time to go out and make something of myself. Live a little more. While I still can.

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Her eyes lit up when she talked about it. She was so passionate about the art she created, and she couldn’t get her mind off of it. The happiness she felt when a paintbrush was in her hand was enough to make anyone smile.

– jess

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notes from my journal

i stared up at the white, wispy clouds. the sky was a beautiful shade of ocean blue. you sat beside me and took in all my features. all my imperfections. i turned to look back at your emerald eyes and smiled. we were surrounded by the world, yet you still told me i was the most beautiful sight. i never felt as full and happy as i did in that moment. you handed my all your thoughts wrapped in a neat bow while i let out my deepest secrets in an explosion. we were total opposites. but when you said those 3 words, i knew that opposites really do attract.

i fall in love with the idea i create of people, rather than who they truly are. i have too much faith in people and in love. i am definitely a romantic. i try so hard to make relationships work, expecting people to change. i get my hopes up and end up disappointed every. single. time. it also makes it so much harder to get over someone. i only want to believe they are good-hearted, rather than face reality. but i would always choose to be full of hope than completely hopeless. because maybe true love really does exist.

you don’t have to have it all figured out. in fact, you shouldn’t. life is messy. life is unpredictable. things don’t ever go according to plan. just embrace every moment with a positive mind and see where the world takes you. the universe always has a plan.

you finally told me everything i always wanted to hear, but i realized it didn’t matter. i’m not the same person as a year ago. i know who i am and what i want. it just isn’t you anymore. and i’m sorry to myself that it took so long to realize my worth. but i’m okay now. i finally got the closure i needed so desperately and i can move on with my life. it truly is freeing to feel this way. i can finally be happy and be myself again.

ending

a writing update.

As you may remember, I just wrote a post explaining my excitement for Camp NaNoWriMo. And I was beyond excited. But it’s time to be honest with myself.

I’ve been in a huge writing slump (writer’s block, i guess) and I haven’t picked up a pen in weeks, besides the occasional line or two. I thought that joining camp would give me a reason to write, and that I would feel even more motivated. Boy was I wrong. Forcing myself to write just generates horribly written lines that I end up deleting either way.

So we are now 1/2 way through the month, and I ended up re-writing the first 2 pages of my novel instead of writing more. I am just not into it right now. I really hope I can get out of this strange mood soon because it is not like me to not want to write. I feel strange and everything feels out of place. I haven’t even wanted to blog.

I am leaving for vacation at a beach house in North Carolina in exactly one week. I hope that time near the ocean will inspire me once again, and maybe I will get some writing done. If not, I am not stressing anymore. I want to focus on myself and listen to what my mind is telling me.

I will hopefully continue working on my novel in the near future because I do like what I have so far. If I have more writing updates, I will definitely post them.

Anyways, good luck to everyone who is on track to finish their goals for camp!

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a new beginning…

It’s been two weeks since my last blog post, but it was definitely a much needed break. Here’s why-

It’s time for a fresh start. I’ve been posting every 3 days on this blog for the past few months, until I realized my content is boring and not my style. I want to write. My posts have been nothing but generic topics on things that I am not even interested in.

Almost a year back, I wrote a post similar to this one. Basically, I just want to write posts based on topics that I find interesting.

 I went through all of my old posts and made a lot of them private (I could not bear to get rid of them completely) in order to regain some control. The focus of my blog is and always will be my thoughts. This will be in the form of poetry, discussions, mood boards, etc. I will continue to post my book reviews, music recommendations, but there will be no more fashion and beauty. That category will be eliminated. I grew, I changed. It is not something I focus as much time on anymore, and not something I want to write about. This does not mean that I no longer love it, I’ve just changed my writing style. 

I changed my blog theme in order to have this new beginning, and I edited the categories to more relevant ones.

I will be featuring more pieces that I love from artists I find intriguing, and I will be writing more in-depth posts. I will also only be posting once a week, maybe more if I am in the mood. There will be no schedule, however; I don’t want the posts I write to feel forced.

I hope this change is a positive one, and that you will stick around. 

Lots of love,
Jess

I Am A Writer- Finding Success

All my life I grew up thinking that the path to success was becoming a doctor, a businesswoman, etc. We all looked up to Elle Woods and her determination to become a lawyer in Legally Blonde when we were little. We wanted to be in her shoes. 

In 8th grade, I made the decision to attend a Vocational High School in my county, specializing in medicine. I was set on the idea of becoming a pediatrician because I was told it would make me victorious. 

After just a few months there, I was extremely unhappy. The classes that focused on the health field were my worst subjects. I couldn’t see myself a pursuing a career in something I hated so much. I knew I had to make some changes, but how?

Fast forward to the present time. I am a high school junior, and while I still attend the same high school, I’ve taken steps to create my own happiness. I take classes focused in business and english, even if everyone around me wants to be a doctor. 

I’ve also realized something else:
Success is not defined by the amount of money you make. Rather, it is how well you spent your life, who you chose to surround yourself with, and your overall level of happiness. What made me happy was writing. English class is where I excelled and could show my true creativity. 

I am a writer. It can be hard to admit. I never saw myself as a writer because I don’t have a published book, or a post written in Times Magazine. But, you can choose what you want to make out of yourself. You have the power to be whatever it is you want. 

I am a writer because I want to inspire people.
I am a writer because it allows me to express myself freely.
I am a writer because I have a love for words.
I am a writer because I wouldn’t be who I am without it.
I am a writer because it makes me happy. 

My goal through this post is for you to discover what it is that makes you feel happy. Find your success no matter what it takes. And no matter what, remember to be yourself. 

All the best in your journey. 

ending

Growing Apart SUCKS!

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Over the course of my life, I have had 3 people I used to call best friends, but who are no longer in my life. Luckily, I have made new friends to take place of the old, who keep me sane during my toughest times. But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss the old friends.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and the people who I grew apart from were supposed to leave my life. It is hard, though.

The first friend is one who I had since we were both toddlers, until around 7th grade. Then, things started to change. She began to hang out with people who I didn’t want to be friends with. At first, I thought it was just her branching out, because I always thought we would be best friends. I told her everything, and we had the best memories.

However, I began to see her less and less frequently, and eventually, we just stopped talking. I see her every now and then, and it hurts that I can’t tell her everything the way I used to. It was one of my closest relationships to anyone, someone who I spent so much of my life with.

Another was someone I met when I moved to a new town. She was my first friend here, and happened to live very close to me. We had movie nights every Friday, and we hung out pretty much every day in between.

But just like before, time caused change. Time is a hard to understand concept. It can heal, it can break, and it can change things. Things were easier when we were younger and had time to hang out. But with more schoolwork came less free time.

Finally, the last friendship was one that didn’t last very long. We met in sixth grade, the start of middle school. We became close in a matter of days, and we hung out all the time. Especially with the amount of classes we had together, there was no way we could go hours without talking.

But, like the rest of these stories, this one does not have a happy ending either. When eighth grade came, we both realized we were going to different high schools. This meant we would no longer see each other. I was still interested in keeping in touch, but her, not so much. She began to sit with other people at lunch, and talk to me less and less the last week of school. So I moved on.

In all three cases, I was hurt. I was sad about losing some important people in my life. But as I said earlier, I believe everything happens for a reason. And it’s true. High school was a huge step for me, because I was going to be meeting all new people. After a few weeks, my group of friends was set, and we’ve been together through everything since then. As a junior now, I look back at my past friendships and see that they each taught me something. Without those experiences I wouldn’t be the person I am today, and I definitely wouldn’t have the friends I do now.

Everyone you encounter in your life serves a purpose, and it will better you in the future. If people are meant to stay, they will, otherwise it is good to put things behind you.

ending

The Good And The Bad

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Sometimes we laugh. Sometimes we cry. We are human. I cry over small things like a puppy getting hurt in a movie, or dropping my Naked 3 palette. But other times, I cry over fights with friends, or on the days where I feel completely worthless.

And that’s okay. You need to remember that the bad days don’t define you. You will have better days, and you will have days where there doesn’t seem to be an end. Remember that you are allowed to be upset, you just have to know when to be happy again. It’s not always easy, but if you really want to, you can find happiness, even in the small things.

The past year of my life, I have allowed myself to be hurt and feel pain with 100% of my heart, but only for a little while. Because of that, I learned to appreciate the amazing moments in my life so much more. I have learned to be okay in situations that used to make me really upset. I read a tweet that said, “If it won’t matter in 6 months, it’s not worth getting mad about now.” That really spoke to me, and I use it as a life motto now.

One of the worst things in life is having someone make you feel bad about being upset. They make you feel like your feelings are wrong. Please don’t ever feel like your emotions are not real because someone may have things worse.

Don’t get upset about the little things. Learn to let go, but don’t ever apologize for what you are feeling. You do not need to validate your feelings to anyone but yourself.

ending

Here’s to 2017

2017 is going to be a year about me.
I want to do the things that make me happy.
I want to get rid of all the negative energy in my life. 

So how will I do it? I have decided to do a few things to increase my happiness level in order to make this year better than the last. Maybe it will help you out as well! 

I am starting with cutting off the people who make me unhappy. I removed some people from my snapchat, and deleted some phone numbers. People can be toxic, and I don’t want to breathe that in any longer. You should know that it is okay to get rid of people who are causing you pain from your life. You don’t have to feel bad about breaking off a relationship without having a good reason. If your gut tells you something, listen. If it doesn’t feel right, get rid of it. 

I also deleted an Instagram spam account I had. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a private account used to post anything you want. At first it was a place to post funny pictures you didn’t want on your actual Instagram. Over time, it changed to drama and a place to complain. There was so much negativity on it from me and the people I followed. I don’t want to spend my life feeling sorry for myself. I want to surround myself with things that will bring me up, not drag me down. I made the decision to get rid of it so I would no longer be involved in any of that negativity. 

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For all of January, I want to go barefaced. That means no makeup at all. This one will be a little tough, but I know my skin needs a break. Also, I am hoping it will allow me to be more confident. I always rely on makeup to make me feel better about myself. While there is nothing wrong with that, I want to see how confident I can be without it. 

My friend got me a “52 lists for happiness” journal for Christmas and I want to stick to using it all year long. I want to see how I progress throughout the year, and see if it actually helps. I really want to use it all year, without skipping a week. So every Sunday I will dedicate 10 minutes to filling out the list. If you want to check it out, here is a link to purchase it!

Finally, I want to start posting content on this blog that I like. I focused too much on posts that would get views in 2016 rather than the posts that made me happy. This year will be different. I will still have some beauty/fashion posts here and there, but mainly my blog will be posts like this. Posts where I actually get to write and talk about topics that mean a lot to me. 

I hope 2017 is your best year yet, and I hope you accomplish all your dreams. It’s never too late to start. Good luck and happy new year! 

ending

Exploring the World

I haven’t seen much of the world. In all honesty, I haven’t even seen much of the US and I’ve lived here all my life (16 years and counting). But I love to travel, even if I don’t do it often.

All over Twitter and Instagram you see posts about traveling the world. That is something I can guarantee I want to do. If seeing amazing pictures of beautiful countries doesn’t make you happy, I don’t know what will.

There is something so wonderful about going to new places and experiencing new things. To me, travel is the key to living a successful life. Your life will be defined by the way you lived, and the memories you have. If you look back on your life and just see one country, one state, one town, have you really lived? In my opinion, no.

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For as a wise man or woman once said, “We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us.”

Out of the country, I’ve only been to one place: Poland. I have a ton of family there, so I visit often. But there are so many places I have yet to see. My goals for the end of high school are to have visited 25/50 states. I have been to 11 so far (so little, I know). Luckily, I will (hopefully) have my license soon, and that means many road trips!

I highly encourage you to travel as often as you can. I don’t always take the opportunities to travel, and I really regret that. If you can go anywhere, do it. You will learn so much and have so many stories to tell. It makes you see a whole new perspective, and give you a change in attitude.

So do not let life escape you, and use the world to its fullest potential. We were put on it for a reason.

xx Jess